I Feel Free.

Autumn is my favorite time of the year…I love the colors, cooler weather, boots and scarves, pumpkins and the FOOD…I love cooking soups and stews, chili, Apple and Pumpkin desserts…I have some butternut Squash cooking in the oven right now, and will be making a copycat recipe of Panera’s Autumn Squash soup tomorrow! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m on a quest to find the exact recipe because it’s one of my favorite Autumn soups! Wish me luck! ๐Ÿ™‚

So my life has been…ahem…interesting… the last few weeks.

PA Man and I separated briefly…I THOUGHT it was for good, but after 2 weeks he decided he was moving back home! Bummer!

He’s obviously been talking to his family…the same family that has all but abandoned him for the last 30 yrs…OR his latest woman “friend”…whatev. He told me that it’s HIS home too, and he has every right to live here!

He had his birthday while he was living in the hotel…and not one of our sons called and wished him a Happy Birthday….I left it up to them to handle it the way they wanted, and I thought it was VERY telling that they didn’t care enough to call him on his birthday. He is now facing the consenquences of his actions.

I find it really strange that he moved back home because all I’ve heard from him for MONTHS is that he wants to be away from me…that he wants PEACE and to be left alone…so I gave him his freedom…I told him to move out, to go to a hotel until he can find an apt. It lasted all of two weeks.

He says we can’t afford to separate…and while I agree, things WILL be tight, it IS doable…if we are careful. But nope. He moved back home last Friday…and I ended up in the ER! HA!

I had a severe allergic reaction…anaphylaxis…the first time ever! My mom said maybe I’m allergic to PA Man! LOL! My daughter in law said maybe it was stressed induced! All I know is that I was wheezing, and coughing, my throat was sore, and my eyes swelled up so I could hardly see!

Anyway, Pa Man was a TOTAL jerk about it all…he was more worried about how much it was going to cost then about ME. I don’t know WHY I ย was surprised?? UGH!

I KNOW PA Man has no empathy for anyone other than himself….but walking out of the ER and getting in his truck, leaving me to stumble across the parking lot…eyes still swelled halfway shut…really hit me hard!!

This man has NO concern for anyone but himself…and I saw that very clearly last Friday! His callous behavior hurt…BUT it also set me free because any lingering doubts about divorce…flew right out the window! I am now fully detached from him and this marriage! Yay me!

My sons and I talked last weekend and we are going to live OUR lives, enjoying the upcoming holidays, ย in spite of PA Man living here again…thank goodness he’s flying home to visit his family for a week at Thanksgiving…I strongly encouraged that, and even told him to stay an extra day or two! LOL!

I’m feeling very positive right now…I’ve been wondering what detachment feels like…and now I know.

I can live my life, doing what I enjoy, and I don’t care about PA Man and what HE is doing…who he’s texting, calling, etc. I Am Free. And it’s a wonderful feeling.

I hope you all are doing well…and enjoying the Fall season! God bless y’all!







5 thoughts on “I Feel Free.

    • I’m doing pretty good…we are in house separated, and rarely see each other. I work in the evenings, and by the time I get home, he’s in bed.
      I’ve discovered that he’s a covert narc, which really has helped me to detach completely. He will not change. So I’m moving ahead with my life, and will probably have to file for divorce to get him to move out.
      I’m waiting for right now, because I have healthcare, and once divorced, that will be gone. And also, my sons started a family business a few months ago, so we are working to build that, and in a few months we will be good to go…so I’m patiently waiting.

      • Covert narcissists are the worst. I know how you feel. You are wise to prepare well and build your life until you are ready. I’m glad to hear you are doing pretty good. ๐Ÿ™‚

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