My life right now…

A friend mentioned to me recently that she thinks I might be a bit depressed…and I think I agree.
Not a life threatening type of depression…more of a feeling of being stuck, and not being able to see past it.

I went to see an attorney a few months ago, just to see what my options are and she was NO help at all….in fact, I wanted to just get up and walk out because she made me feel very foolish!
It really hit me that people who don’t live in abusive situations just DO NOT get it!
So I think it was after that, that’s when I got a little depressed…instead of being a shining light of escape…the attorney basically told me to suck it up, because if I divorced PA Man, I’d be the financial loser in the divorce!
Honestly though, I already knew this…but to just have it thrown in my face…yeah, that stung just a bit!
When I explained abut PA Mans emotional affair, I could tell she thought I was a fool for staying…or maybe she thought I was making something out of nothing? Who knows! I do know that this attorney handles some really abusive divorces..so maybe she thought mine was “peanuts” compared to others?
PA Man has a really good income and I’ve been a SAHM for over 30 yrs…so for me to go out on my own, yes, I would take a HUGE financial hit, and to be quite honest, that scares the heck outta me!
My sister divorced her husband 5 yrs ago, and she had a really good job…and it’s been a struggle for her ever since, so seeing that firsthand is scary.
So all of this really got me feeling down, feeling like I have NO hope…until yesterday.
My second oldest son and I were talking….he lives at home right now, but he’s hoping to find a few acres this year and build a log cabin on it, and as we were discussing what the attorney had told me, and that I feel stuck, he said, “Mom, I plan to have a home big enough that if you need to move there, with my brothers, you can.”
My heart melted! I AM so blessed that my son cares enough about me, and that he’s thinking ahead! 🙂
Then he told me that he’s sure he could get me hired on at his company, doing sales, and that his boss, who is a really great guy, and I get along with really well, is always looking for outgoing people to work for him, and that I’d fit in perfectly, with my personality. And you know what….he’s right!
I DO have a VERY outgoing personality…I’m the type of person who can talk to a perfect stranger like I’ve known them for years….it use to amaze my sister how I could do that! LOL!
So heck yeah…I can do that! It made me so excited to know that IF PA Man and I do separate…I have options. I’m not able to work right now….I have younger child who is autistic, and changes in his routine don’t go over well, but as he gets older, as he’s maturing, I’m seeing a bit more independence in him, so that is good 🙂 In the meantime, I’ve started a at home business to help me save some money for an uncertain future!
For right now…things are OK with PA Man and myself for the most part.
He’s traveling A LOT, and I’m sooo grateful for that, but when he is home, he’s a bit moody…or grumpy as my youngest always says…but I only see him a few hours each day, because he’s working, then home for a nap, then he’s in bed by 9:30…the weekends are the hardest, he’s home ALL day…but I now wait until Saturday to do my shopping, so I’m gone for a few hours, so that helps. 🙂

Overall, I’m feeling more optimistic right now…I DO have options! 🙂
I’m still going to try natural alternatives versus depression drugs…anyone reading this have any advice on natural herbs for depression? Just let me know 🙂

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13 thoughts on “My life right now…

    • Nessa3….I’ll be honest with you, I have a comfortable life, and I don’t want to walk away from it. Is that being selfish?
      My best friend is in a financially abusive marriage, but she’s now gone back to work, so that’s no longer a problem for her, though her H still complains when she spends money…but her H had a year long affair with a coworker several years ago…that changed her, and her marriage has suffered for it, even though her H DID work on himself, and was truly repentant.
      My friend has said the same as me…I’ve EARNED the nice house and comfortable lifestyle…why should I work my fingers to the bone the rest of my life? And I agree.
      I have no degree…I’ve been a SAHM all my married life….my prospects aren’t good.
      And to be honest, I’m not miserable…too much. My H isn’t verbally or physically abusive, and not even emotionally abusive…much. He shuts me out, and there is no affection, no romance, but these days, I’m now happy with that. I don’t want his affection, because I have no feelings for him at all anymore… And yes, some days are harder then others, when I let myself think about love and romance, or watch a romantic movie and I think how I’d love to have that, but it is what it is. I can’t change him…and I certainly am not interested in dating and trying to find someone new, on the off chance that he might be different…UGH!
      I’m lucky because my husband travels a lot for work….so he’s gone for several days each month…YAY!! 😀
      That’s what keeps me going, why separate when he’s gone so often, plus the attorney I saw really recommended I stay if I can…so that’s what I’m trying to do 🙂
      I trying to be content with my life, I have a lot of activities I’m involved in, and several friends who are also in disappointing marriages, so that helps me to know I’m not alone.
      Please check in every now and then and let me know how you’re doing 🙂

  1. Hi, it’s sounding a little more positive? St John’s Wort is good for mild depression and you might be able to find a voluntary counselling agency in your area as talking is the best cure of all! Best wishes and good luck x

    • Yes, my sister suggested St Johns Wort, and so did a close friend….so I’m going to give it a try, even though I do feel much better now… Maybe it was just the holidays??
      I hope you’re doing well paescapee! 🙂

  2. Lonelywife, I ready your comments on another blog about what your best friend said. As someone who has read and followed your story here and on other blogs for almost two years now, I think I can say she was really off the mark. Major red flag in the friendship. I am so sorry this has happened to you. I would say more, but I’m not sure if you are checking comments here or not. I originally chose a different screen name when I first posted on the other blog, so I knew you wouldn’t recognize me if I commented there. Hang in there, dear lady. We will make it. I truly believe both of us will one day look back from a place of freedom and our relationships will be with truly safe people.

    • Hi STL! Thank you sooo much for reaching out to me! Yes, I was VERY hurt by my friend…we’ve since had lunch and she begged for my forgiveness and has agreed to read Lundy Bancrofts Why Does He Do That…so she can understand better what I’m dealing with.
      You know, her H had an affair about 10 yrs ago, so she understands that aspect, BUT he ended the affair and then told her what he’d done, and has worked on the marriage, and tolerated her triggers really well and been there for her when she was upset…exactly the opposite of what MY husband has done…so that part, she does not get!
      I’m a very forgiving person, but I do find that I now tend to withdraw from people who don’t understand me, or what I’m going through, so I don’t know how this relationship with my friend is going to end up.
      I told her I don’t feel I can confide in her anymore, and she said that I can, that she wants to be there for me and she again asked me to forgive her…but I just don’t know if it will be the same.
      I’ve felt really alone the last several days…like no one TRULY understands.
      So thankful that I can turn to God and find comfort in His word. He’s all I have.

      • Lonely wife, I know only God TRULY enters into everything with us. Maybe it’s okay for a time to be in a place where He is all we have. It has gotten to the point that He is the only one I can trust. I do hope, however, that I can offer some empathy. I, too, have been feeling so alone, like there is no one safe. The way I cope is clinging to the hope of getting away from him someday and re-building a life. I imagine a tiny little house with a flower garden and a vegetable garden and peace. I look at the things in my house now and dream about a home where little problems stay little, where I can call a repairman without that meaning I am a controlling monster, where a problem gets fixed and there’s no drama, where I can buy some little inconsequential tool or something for myself and not have to worry that someone else will want to take it or break it just to get at me, where I can buy the kind of food I want to buy without having to hide it or eat it really fast so I won’t be judged. I want to tell you that I do understand (at least to a large degree), and I do care. It’s so difficult that – from where I sit – the only people who come close to understanding are anonymous blog commenters out here in the Internet world; and yet, they keep me alive. I don’t know what I would do without them. Sometimes I miss the support that was out there when PJs, Exodus, Bronze, and so many ladies were commenting so much back in 2014. (I guess there is a season for everything). So, that said, you are not alone in this world. I would give you a big hug if I could.

        As to your friend, if her husband is really working on the marriage and changing and giving emotional support, etc., then she probably doesn’t get it. It might even be more difficult for her to understand than if her marriage hadn’t been through deep waters. She may be more inclined to want to believe the same healing is possible for your marriage because of her experience. Forgiveness is one thing, but please don’t feel obligated to trust or confide again any time soon, if ever. Don’t take responsibility for her discomfort now. It’s okay to protect yourself once there has been a breach.

        The other thing I feel so strongly lately is the difficulty with confiding in anyone while I am still with him, especially while I still have minor children. It’s amazing how different acceptance seems to be while someone is yet with their destructive spouse versus how it appears after a divorce. It seems like once it is over it will be a lot safer to share our stories with people. But then we may never want to speak of them again.

  3. Seeing the Light…Hello. I’m sorry I’m just seeing this…I don’t understand why I’m not getting notifications in my email! GRR!! I’ll write tomorrow because it’s late now and church is tomorrow 🙂 I’m also going to go back to blogging…I’ve looked online and there really isn’t a safe place to blog, like on PJs blog…Gosh how I miss her, Bronze and Exodus! 😥 I’d like my blog to be a place where others can hopefully come and meet, and get support, so I really need to get it going again 🙂
    And yes, my friendship has changed now…I just feel that I can’t be my true self with my BFF anymore…sigh…makes me sad. All I have now is my online community…so I need to build that back up.

  4. Hi Lonely! I know it’s been a while, and I’m so happy to hear that things seem to be OK, and that your son is there for you. I get where you are coming from, too, that there is no emotional connection in your marriage anymore. It’s that way for me, too. That’s actually what makes it easier for me to just do my own thing. I just do what I want, and if he has any questions, he’ll ask. He never does. It sounds like staying, for the time being, is working for you, and I wish you all the best!

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