My life right now…

A friend mentioned to me recently that she thinks I might be a bit depressed…and I think I agree.
Not a life threatening type of depression…more of a feeling of being stuck, and not being able to see past it.

I went to see an attorney a few months ago, just to see what my options are and she was NO help at all….in fact, I wanted to just get up and walk out because she made me feel very foolish!
It really hit me that people who don’t live in abusive situations just DO NOT get it!
So I think it was after that, that’s when I got a little depressed…instead of being a shining light of escape…the attorney basically told me to suck it up, because if I divorced PA Man, I’d be the financial loser in the divorce!
Honestly though, I already knew this…but to just have it thrown in my face…yeah, that stung just a bit!
When I explained abut PA Mans emotional affair, I could tell she thought I was a fool for staying…or maybe she thought I was making something out of nothing? Who knows! I do know that this attorney handles some really abusive divorces..so maybe she thought mine was “peanuts” compared to others?
PA Man has a really good income and I’ve been a SAHM for over 30 yrs…so for me to go out on my own, yes, I would take a HUGE financial hit, and to be quite honest, that scares the heck outta me!
My sister divorced her husband 5 yrs ago, and she had a really good job…and it’s been a struggle for her ever since, so seeing that firsthand is scary.
So all of this really got me feeling down, feeling like I have NO hope…until yesterday.
My second oldest son and I were talking….he lives at home right now, but he’s hoping to find a few acres this year and build a log cabin on it, and as we were discussing what the attorney had told me, and that I feel stuck, he said, “Mom, I plan to have a home big enough that if you need to move there, with my brothers, you can.”
My heart melted! I AM so blessed that my son cares enough about me, and that he’s thinking ahead! 🙂
Then he told me that he’s sure he could get me hired on at his company, doing sales, and that his boss, who is a really great guy, and I get along with really well, is always looking for outgoing people to work for him, and that I’d fit in perfectly, with my personality. And you know what….he’s right!
I DO have a VERY outgoing personality…I’m the type of person who can talk to a perfect stranger like I’ve known them for years….it use to amaze my sister how I could do that! LOL!
So heck yeah…I can do that! It made me so excited to know that IF PA Man and I do separate…I have options. I’m not able to work right now….I have younger child who is autistic, and changes in his routine don’t go over well, but as he gets older, as he’s maturing, I’m seeing a bit more independence in him, so that is good 🙂 In the meantime, I’ve started a at home business to help me save some money for an uncertain future!
For right now…things are OK with PA Man and myself for the most part.
He’s traveling A LOT, and I’m sooo grateful for that, but when he is home, he’s a bit moody…or grumpy as my youngest always says…but I only see him a few hours each day, because he’s working, then home for a nap, then he’s in bed by 9:30…the weekends are the hardest, he’s home ALL day…but I now wait until Saturday to do my shopping, so I’m gone for a few hours, so that helps. 🙂

Overall, I’m feeling more optimistic right now…I DO have options! 🙂
I’m still going to try natural alternatives versus depression drugs…anyone reading this have any advice on natural herbs for depression? Just let me know 🙂

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