It’s taken me awhile…but I’m getting better!

I finally did it….I stayed calm when PA Man was trying to push my buttons! YAY me! 🙂

PA Man and I hosted a family and friends dinner party this past weekend to celebrate one of our children’s career accomplishments.

I chose a upscale restaurant that had a private room that we could use, and PA Man was totally onboard with it…in fact, he told me to spare NO expense…so I when asked by a couple of our friends if they could attend, I told them, “Sure, the more the merrier!”

Anyway, the room we used could only hold 35 people, so I asked the restaurant manager if we could reserve a table right outside the room, so that our other 3 boys and a couple of our family members could sit there…I first checked with my boys to ask if that would be OK with them, and being teenagers, of course they said “YES!” LOL! What teenager wants to sit in a room with a bunch of “old” people! LOL!

Well…OF COURSE PA Man was against this! He felt that all of our family should sit together in the same room for dinner…and we should ask our daughter in laws family to sit at the table OUTSIDE the room because only her parents were supposed to come, but they ended up bringing her brothers and sisters, and he felt that by doing this they had inconvenienced us!!! WHAT????

There was NO way I was going to insult my DILs family, especially when my boys were ok with the seating arrangements and I told PA Man this….and he dropped it, or so I thought!

About an hour later my mom stopped by and I was upstairs drying my hair….as I came down the stairs I heard PA Man complaining to my mom about the seating arrangements, and that he didn’t like it that his sons had to sit outside the room, that he felt that our family should all be together, etc…

I didn’t say anything until after my mom left, and then I told PA Man I didn’t appreciate him talking to my mom behind my back, that it was a passive aggressive move and he should have come to me if he still had a problem with the seating arrangements…and he didn’t like that!

I then told him, “Fine! You don’t like the seating arrangements, OK….then YOU talk to our daughter in law and her parents, explain that their kids will be sitting outside the room, because YOU feel they should have given us more notice that whole family was coming for the party! I don’t have a problem with it, but you do, so YOU handle it the way YOU want!!”

OF COURSE he backed down instantly….”No, it’s ok, what’s done is done.” Me: No, it’s NOT done….when we get to the restaurant you can then explain the reason our DILs brothers and sisters are sitting outside the room!” Again…he backs down! As I knew he would!

PA Man hates confrontation….so I used it against him! And it worked. And I stayed calm…I didn’t play his game…I threw it all back on him! HA!

Oh, BTW, yes, our three boys sat outside the room…but so did our DILs two brothers….and that was my plan all along! The boys are GREAT friends and as long as they can hang out together, they’re happy!!

As I thought about this later, I figured out what PA Mans problem was over this issue…He’s ALL about pretending that our family is perfect…He likes to pretend that he has the “perfect” family life…put on the “Big Show” AKA “The Fake Family”…and by the entire family not sitting in the same room together, this threw off HIS perception of our family!

Anyway, I did have a good weekend…the dinner party was a success and I had a great time! 🙂

Oh, BTW, I haven’t started counseling yet…waiting to hear from the counseling center.

Last week was just filling out paper work, and a “mini interview” and now I wait to see what counselor I’m assigned to…The center reads my paperwork and tries to match me up with the counselor they feel will meet my needs…Will update as soon as I have my first appt. 🙂

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2 thoughts on “It’s taken me awhile…but I’m getting better!

  1. Lonelywife, Gregory is the same way – he needs to pretend that everything is fine. He needs the appearance of unity – (unity is a big word with him) – even if everything is moldy and rotten just below a very thin surface. The facade is all that matters. And, why not? As an individual, his facade is very important to him – so why not treat relationships the same way? Even when he is out of town, the way he talks on the phone to check in sounds like there is nothing wrong with our relationship or with the family relationships at all. I am so glad your dinner turned out so well and that everyone – including you! – enjoyed themselves!

    • Oh my gosh Seeing The Light…PA Man does that also when he’s put of town….he calls me “Baby”, and sends me text saying he loves me…GAG!!!!
      It’s like they live in this secret world, and we aren’t a part of it, until they WANT us to be a part of it! It drives me crazy!

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