It’s taken me awhile…but I’m getting better!

I finally did it….I stayed calm when PA Man was trying to push my buttons! YAY me! 🙂

PA Man and I hosted a family and friends dinner party this past weekend to celebrate one of our children’s career accomplishments.

I chose a upscale restaurant that had a private room that we could use, and PA Man was totally onboard with it…in fact, he told me to spare NO expense…so I when asked by a couple of our friends if they could attend, I told them, “Sure, the more the merrier!”

Anyway, the room we used could only hold 35 people, so I asked the restaurant manager if we could reserve a table right outside the room, so that our other 3 boys and a couple of our family members could sit there…I first checked with my boys to ask if that would be OK with them, and being teenagers, of course they said “YES!” LOL! What teenager wants to sit in a room with a bunch of “old” people! LOL!

Well…OF COURSE PA Man was against this! He felt that all of our family should sit together in the same room for dinner…and we should ask our daughter in laws family to sit at the table OUTSIDE the room because only her parents were supposed to come, but they ended up bringing her brothers and sisters, and he felt that by doing this they had inconvenienced us!!! WHAT????

There was NO way I was going to insult my DILs family, especially when my boys were ok with the seating arrangements and I told PA Man this….and he dropped it, or so I thought!

About an hour later my mom stopped by and I was upstairs drying my hair….as I came down the stairs I heard PA Man complaining to my mom about the seating arrangements, and that he didn’t like it that his sons had to sit outside the room, that he felt that our family should all be together, etc…

I didn’t say anything until after my mom left, and then I told PA Man I didn’t appreciate him talking to my mom behind my back, that it was a passive aggressive move and he should have come to me if he still had a problem with the seating arrangements…and he didn’t like that!

I then told him, “Fine! You don’t like the seating arrangements, OK….then YOU talk to our daughter in law and her parents, explain that their kids will be sitting outside the room, because YOU feel they should have given us more notice that whole family was coming for the party! I don’t have a problem with it, but you do, so YOU handle it the way YOU want!!”

OF COURSE he backed down instantly….”No, it’s ok, what’s done is done.” Me: No, it’s NOT done….when we get to the restaurant you can then explain the reason our DILs brothers and sisters are sitting outside the room!” Again…he backs down! As I knew he would!

PA Man hates confrontation….so I used it against him! And it worked. And I stayed calm…I didn’t play his game…I threw it all back on him! HA!

Oh, BTW, yes, our three boys sat outside the room…but so did our DILs two brothers….and that was my plan all along! The boys are GREAT friends and as long as they can hang out together, they’re happy!!

As I thought about this later, I figured out what PA Mans problem was over this issue…He’s ALL about pretending that our family is perfect…He likes to pretend that he has the “perfect” family life…put on the “Big Show” AKA “The Fake Family”…and by the entire family not sitting in the same room together, this threw off HIS perception of our family!

Anyway, I did have a good weekend…the dinner party was a success and I had a great time! 🙂

Oh, BTW, I haven’t started counseling yet…waiting to hear from the counseling center.

Last week was just filling out paper work, and a “mini interview” and now I wait to see what counselor I’m assigned to…The center reads my paperwork and tries to match me up with the counselor they feel will meet my needs…Will update as soon as I have my first appt. 🙂

I Start Counseling Tomorrow

A quick update…I start counseling tomorrow.
I hope it works out, sooo many counselors just don’t get it, this PA lifestyle, but I really want to work on myself, since my marriage is pretty much gone.
It’s MY time now….no more working on my marriage or my husband.
I guess I’m a slow learner, LOL, but I just could NOT stop working on my husband and marriage….or maybe I just had such FAITH that God can fix anything, so I kept on trying??

But it’s not up to me to fix what’s broken….PA Man has to decide that he wants to fix himself….and sadly, that’s not the case….He’s happy with himself, in fact he just recently told me, after we had an argument, that he is FINALLY standing up for himself, and accused me of not liking it when he does!

Well no, that’s not true, I’ve always wanted him to stand up for himself….IF he was being treated wrong…like when his parents use to call and berate him for something they thought he could do better….it would make me so mad, he NEVER stood up for himself when they did that…and I couldn’t understand why he just sat there, silent on the phone, never defending himself…
But now he’s decided that I’m the enemy, and he has to “defend himself” against me…Ok. Whatever.

At this point, I’m just trying to live my life, doing what makes me happy.
As long as I’m pleasant to PA Man, go along with his Mr. Good Guy routine…there is peace in the house….so that’s what I’m doing.
I’ve finally figured it out….I set the tempo for our family…if I’m upset or angry with PA Man, everyone is impacted….But if I’m content, not angry with how PA Man acts….then things are almost normal.
So that’s what I’m trying to do now…I don’t expect anything from him, I do what needs to be done, my kids know they can depend on me, we are a team, my kids and me.
It really does help that PA Man is traveling a lot right now…He’s been gone the last two weeks, home on the weekends, then gone again….and he’s gone next week also. 🙂 God is good to give us this break from PA Man…I pray it continues.