I think this will be my last post.

Well, I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks and I haven’t felt the need to, which shows me that the time has come to walk away πŸ™‚
I originally stated this blog as a way to connect with others who are living the PA life, and for me to feel more understood, since PA Man isn’t the best communicator… πŸ™‚

But now I think it’s time for me to move on….Things are a LITTLE bit better around here…PA Man is still in counseling, so I’m hopeful that things will continue to improve, but I have to let go of my hope that he will become the man I want him to be.
Over the last several months I’ve grown more independent, and I know that even if PA Man stays the way he is now, that is HIS choice and I will then make MY choices to either stay or go.

My life isn’t bad, in fact, other than PA Man not being emotionally involved in our marriage, I’m really pretty happy.

My children all love me and they see their dad for who he truly is and they support me totally.
I’m very involved in my church, and my ministries there really fulfill me, and I have a great friend who is also in a not so great marriage….so we support each other πŸ™‚
This friendship was from God…a true gift! I had NO idea when I met “Mim” that her husband had also had an affair and Mim understands TOTALLY the feelings and emotions I’m dealing with!
Her husband is also VERY controlling when it comes to money…so that is another bond that we have.

PA Man isn’t a hardcore PA like some PAs are…he’s not into playing mind games and trying to sabotage me…he’s just sooo emotionally avoidant that he closes himself off from anyone who tries to get close…and I’ve accepted that it’s not about ME, because he does it to everyone, it’s about HIM and his issues…and that’s made it easier for me to deal with and accept his behavior….BUT I’m not saying I LIKE his behavior…no way! It’s destructive and wrong….and as a Christian I believe it’s a heart issue and it is sinful!!

Only until PA Man turns to God and truly TRUST Him, that is when he will be able to become TRUE man of God…not a fake one!

So anyway, I’m doing ok….about 4 weeks ago I was challenged to get on my knees and pray and give my my marriage AND PA Man over to God..and I did!
And since then I’ve felt so much peace, and I know that if I have to separate and eventually divorce PA Man…I WILL be ok πŸ™‚
If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time then you know I love Leslie Vernick and how she is working to educate women AND men on what God wants and expects from marriage…so PLEASE if you’re in a bad marriage, or married to a passive aggressive, go to Leslievernick.com and read her blog and educate yourself!! You’ll be glad you did!

Thank you for supporting me…and I pray that we all become stronger as we travel this path.

“Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.” Psalm 54:4 πŸ˜€


8 thoughts on “I think this will be my last post.

  1. I have learned a lot from your blog, and I am grateful. I know we will stay in touch in one way or another, and so this is not really goodbye. Praying for you and yours always ~ Love, DJ

  2. I wish you all the best, Lonely! There is a whole world out there waiting for us and for all our gifts and talents, even if our significant others choose to remove themselves from fully living life. I will be praying for you!

  3. Best of luck to you! You seem to have truly found a path that suits you through the maze of being with a PA man. I wish only the best for your future! Onwards and Upwards. πŸ™‚ xo

  4. Thank you all! Yes, like Bronze said, I’ve found a path that seems to suit me for now.
    I do feel I am “lucky” is some ways though, because even though PA Man can be a jerk at times, and definitely not emotionally open….he doesn’t go out of his way to hurt me.
    Today we were able to have a good talk, he listened to me, and also explained about his counseling, and how he does see that he’s at fault for a lot of what is wrong in our marriage, and he needs to work on himself.
    He did seem more open today, more receptive….BUT I’m not letting myself get hopeful and I told him that.
    If he wants a good marriage, a happy marriage, he will have to do the work now, because I am done working on this marriage by myself!

    So we shall see.

  5. I am going to miss you, Lonely! May God give you discernment and wisdom as you travel your path. Please come back and let us know of any significant shifts in your world. Thank you for all you have shared πŸ™‚

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