Well, I haven’t posted for a couple of weeks and I haven’t felt the need to, which shows me that the time has come to walk away 🙂
I originally stated this blog as a way to connect with others who are living the PA life, and for me to feel more understood, since PA Man isn’t the best communicator… 🙂
But now I think it’s time for me to move on….Things are a LITTLE bit better around here…PA Man is still in counseling, so I’m hopeful that things will continue to improve, but I have to let go of my hope that he will become the man I want him to be.
Over the last several months I’ve grown more independent, and I know that even if PA Man stays the way he is now, that is HIS choice and I will then make MY choices to either stay or go.
My life isn’t bad, in fact, other than PA Man not being emotionally involved in our marriage, I’m really pretty happy.
My children all love me and they see their dad for who he truly is and they support me totally.
I’m very involved in my church, and my ministries there really fulfill me, and I have a great friend who is also in a not so great marriage….so we support each other 🙂
This friendship was from God…a true gift! I had NO idea when I met “Mim” that her husband had also had an affair and Mim understands TOTALLY the feelings and emotions I’m dealing with!
Her husband is also VERY controlling when it comes to money…so that is another bond that we have.
PA Man isn’t a hardcore PA like some PAs are…he’s not into playing mind games and trying to sabotage me…he’s just sooo emotionally avoidant that he closes himself off from anyone who tries to get close…and I’ve accepted that it’s not about ME, because he does it to everyone, it’s about HIM and his issues…and that’s made it easier for me to deal with and accept his behavior….BUT I’m not saying I LIKE his behavior…no way! It’s destructive and wrong….and as a Christian I believe it’s a heart issue and it is sinful!!
Only until PA Man turns to God and truly TRUST Him, that is when he will be able to become TRUE man of God…not a fake one!
So anyway, I’m doing ok….about 4 weeks ago I was challenged to get on my knees and pray and give my my marriage AND PA Man over to God..and I did!
And since then I’ve felt so much peace, and I know that if I have to separate and eventually divorce PA Man…I WILL be ok 🙂
If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time then you know I love Leslie Vernick and how she is working to educate women AND men on what God wants and expects from marriage…so PLEASE if you’re in a bad marriage, or married to a passive aggressive, go to Leslievernick.com and read her blog and educate yourself!! You’ll be glad you did!
Thank you for supporting me…and I pray that we all become stronger as we travel this path.
“Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me.” Psalm 54:4 😀