So PA man went to counseling….and he seems to like the counselor, Tom, and he made another appt. for week after next (he’s going to be out of town this week..yay!)
What I have an issue with….and maybe I shouldn’t….is that PA Man has now latched on to…Depression. He now tells me that he feels he’s been depressed for several years.
He told me this last week, and he told Tom that on Friday.
I don’t see it. But what do I know, right?
Except it sounds like an excuse to me…
So anyway, he brought home a book that Tom wants him to read….It’s called The Exemplary Husband…
PA Man hasn’t touched it since he brought it home.
DIVORCED FROM ABUSE 
Oh, dear. Lonely, my PA man has had that book for years!!! He used to read it a long time ago and I’ve seen it around recently. I haven’t read it myself, but I have looked over it and I believe it is pretty standard popular Christian issue. What I can say is that mine has been able to read it without any significant change in his PA stuff. My guess is he thinks he applied whatever it taught and is now an exemplary husband.
I agree – the depression sounds like a convenient excuse. He’s got himself in victim mode before he even got out of the gate with the counseling. Ugh.
I know you’ve already got your eyes wide open, but I often remind myself and can’t help reminding others…watch your back.
Seeing…separation is still in my plans…nothing has changed for me in that regard at all!
I really don’t think PA Man is going to be able to make the changes I’m looking for…and I’m not trying to be a witch, but he’s done some damaging things and I just can’t get ignore it!
And yes, you’re spot on with the “victim role”….he’s PA…aren’t they ALL victims??
And you know what got me…he never told the counselor about his emotional affair…the one event that brought out all of his PA tendencies, the most damaging thing he’s done to our marriage…and he didn’t tell him!
I was upset and asked him why didn’t he tell him, and he said that we have bigger issues than the affair to deal with in our marriage.
He wasn’t completely truthful and honest with his counselor…so I can’t depend on him to be honest in the future in counseling, so I don’t see how it’s going to help him.
He has a lot of anger towards me…I can see it, because it comes out in little ways, and until he admits and deals with it…we will never fix what’s wrong in our marriage.
And yes, I glanced though that book…he’ll NEVER read it! He’s not a reader at all, and that book is too “technical” so I already know it’s a no go!
Lonely, to quote you…”And you know what got me…he never told the counselor about his emotional affair…the one event that brought out all of his PA tendencies, the most damaging thing he’s done to our marriage…and he didn’t tell him!
I was upset and asked him why didn’t he tell him, and he said that we have bigger issues than the affair to deal with in our marriage.”
For pity’s sake! It doesn’t get much more absurd than that! Is it sick that this makes me laugh? I know it must be the absurdity and ridiculousness of it all, because the damage they do is no where near funny.
It is so encouraging to hear your strength and your steadfastness. God bless you, Lonely.
Thank you Seeing…I appreciate it! He OF COURSE couldn’t understand why that upset me! And that right there showed me that no matter how long he goes to counseling…nothing is going to change!
I’ve started my own at home business, just trying to become more independent 🙂
I told my 2nd oldest son tonight that having PA Man in the house is like a slow, toxic poison, slowly seeping into our house…poisoning us all…and he agreed!
It’s so sad that he can’t see past his awful pride to see that he’s destroying our family…so sad!
I’m so glad you are working on your own business and independence! 🙂 Yes, the pride and its destruction is so sad. It’s good that your son is developing wisdom and discernment in this situation.
Doesn’t he know that infidelity is THE most devastating thing that can happen in a marriage? Some choice words are flying through my mind… but I can imagine that Daniel would also fail to mention this in a solo counseling session. Although he has come a long way, some things never change.
DJ, no, I really don’t think he does! I think because it was an emotional affair…no sex, that he feels he really didn’t do anything wrong…he’s said things over the years that makes me think that he feels I’m overreacting.
And that’s why I feel we need to separate…He’s never taken it serious, the damage he’s done. And I’m tired of waiting for him to “get it!!”
He needs to hear it from someone other than you, but he is already manipulating his counselor’s perspective. I’m so sorry to hear it, my friend. But I can see you are strong and will handle whatever comes with dignity. Praying, as I always do, for you ~DJ
Thank you for understanding, DJ…I’m glad others have seen what I’ve seen…his manipulation of the counseling.
Praying for you always! xoxoxo
Do men really have emotional affairs? Maybe I’m too cynical but from my experience, men are out for one thing and they ain’t lookin for someone to discuss the meaning of life with and send flowers to. I realize that not ALL men are quite that shallow but when men are looking elsewhere, they are usually looking with something else in mind.
Your husband doesn’t feel the need to tell his therapist about his affair because in his mind, the affair wasn’t the problem. After all, if it were not for the other problems, he wouldn’t have an affair. People who make excuses for doing the wrong thing are people who believe it’s alright to do the wrong thing- especially when G-d will forgive them anyway.