He made a counseling appointment.

So PA Man actually called and made an appt. for this Tuesday with the therapist I found weeks ago….Interesting.

I wonder why? Is it because he feels the “need” to be the “good” dad and show his kids that he’s “trying?”

Or is it because he now knows his family has seen him for what he is and won’t be fooled by his “Poor wittle, ole me…I had a mean mom and dad and you all need to understand and feel sorry for me the rest of my life!!”

Or is he REALLY tired of living “this way” as he’s told me repeatedly??

Or is he finally seeing that I AM stronger than I’ve ever been before and not afraid of letting out all his secrets and certainly not afraid to stand on my own two feet…without him??

I guess time will tell, won’t it? But I AM cynical about this latest move, but I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt…for now.

I mean really, when you think about it…..it’s a win win for me, either way it goes…If he goes to counseling ย and quits AGAIN, then this will be the FOURTH time he’s said he’ll go and then quits….and if he does continue going, but there is NO change in his behavior, well, that’s just another example of WHY we have to separate and it will be easier for my family to accept that PA Man isn’t serious about working to heal our marriage.

BUT maybe he will continue counseling, and he will actually see how harmful his behavior truly his…and let God change his hardened, prideful heart….I DO believe in miracles and for that to happen it will surely take a miracle!

So now it’s a waiting game.

Will keep you posted.


11 thoughts on “He made a counseling appointment.

  1. Will keep praying…

    I know you need to be cynical for your own sanity, and that’s as it needs to be right now, but as your cheerleader, I’m jumping up and down!

  2. You’re right only time will tell. My guess is, he really, truly doesn’t see his own actions as passive aggressive and sees himself as the victim of your unreasonable demands. PAs are all about image and if the kids start noticing cracks, he is likely to paper over those ones straight away. He can’t be seen to be anything but your poor hapless victim doing everything he can to make you happy but nothing works. Fingers crossed this counselor can get him to have even the tiniest amount of self reflection. These men do not see themselves in anyway near the reality of what their actions actually show. That part to me is the most amazing – how can they be so blind when their actions are showing exactly who they are? And yet they’d deny it. No self knowledge, self reflection or self appraisal or improvement whatsoever. Let’s hope this counselor can show him that he isn’t perfect just the way he is!

    • I agree with Bronze.

      I played a bit of a PA manipulator the other night during a conversation to see how Norman would respond to the following: ” Norman, I think I should attend one or two of your counseling sessions” and his response was ” not with this counselor. We would have to get another counselor for that” My only reason for suggesting that was to see if he had anything to hide.
      Obviously, he does. It’s clear that he makes himself a victim.

      Lonely, be prepared for your husband to become cocky, arrogant, haughty and seem detached even more than he is now. I’m not suggesting you go to counseling with him ( just yet) because I think it’s important that he make the initiative to go. At some point I think it would be wise for you to go with him IF you want to save your marriage but going to a different therapist seems rather counter-productive since he may behave entirely different with a different therapist and you.

  3. They must all follow the same script…”try” therapy multiple times, but put zero effort into it, then lay the blame everywhere but on themselves for the failure of the marriage.

    We saw a marriage counselor 3 times and a pastoral counselor twice. Five appointments where he stonewalled and made me look like the unreasonable one. Five measly hours…less effort than went into one bleeping workday!

    You know what? Your cynicism is healthy. You have solid evidence of a pattern of therapy failure with him. It is okay to look at his history and judge his current actions. Jesus warned us to be discerning and not to throw our pearls to swine. If it stinks like a pig and glories in filth like a pig, odds are it is a pig. (ร la Soup Nazi from Seinfield): No pearls for you!

    Hang in there! The fog is clearing. I prayed for you.

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