Part 1…. I emailed a friend about how my weekend had gone…and when she expressed concern that things here in the passive aggressive “love pad” were about to come to a head, I assured her that I knew how to placate PA Man and “play nice” so that he’d calm down…and I fully intended to do that, and then I received a new post from Leslie Vernick…and it showed me that I was wrong.
For me, I think that God is telling me to get out of the way and let HIM work!
But first, here’s a little background to what happened this weekend…
On Saturday, PA Man actually GROWLED at me! I kid you not!! He GROWLED!!!
We were in the car, after having a really nice dinner out the night before, where I felt that PA Man actually listened to me..I know, that ‘ol Hope-ium raised it’s ugly head again!!
So I felt our dinner and talk went well, and I felt a small connection, and it put a little bounce in my step, until Saturday morning…:/
We had to go through the ATM at the bank, and since I’d lost my debit card a few days earlier…PA Man had to use his debit card to withdraw some cash….Well, it asked for his PIN number…and since he had never taken the time to call the bank and request a new PIN number…in the last 10 months….it was MY fault for losing my debit card!!
As he threw the car in gear, and left the parking lot, he looked at me and said, “You HAD to lose your debit card, didn’t you??”
And I replied very calmly…remember, I was still in la-la land over the “connection” we had made the night before, I said “Well, you never did get your new PIN number, so why blame me? It’s not like I lost my ATM card on purpose… See PA Man, this is our problem, as soon as something goes wrong, we start blaming each other instead of being kind to each other…we don’t talk nice to each other.”
And yes, I said WE, hoping that by saying that, he would not feel threatened!
Well. That did not go over well at all! PA Man: I do NOT want to talk about it! We did that last night! Just give it a rest!!
Me: What? I can’t say anything to you about our relationship because we (I) talked about it last night? That’s what healthy relationships do, PA Man…they talk about any issues or problems, when they occur!”
Again this point we’re sitting at the traffic light, and PA Man turns his head away from me, towards his left shoulder and he GROWLS!!! YES! Like a dog nipping at his shoulder, he growled!
I was shocked and said, “WHAT was that?? Did you just growl?? OMG…you did, you growled! Why??”
And in a very tight, angry voice he told me, “I do NOT want to talk about it!”
Wow! I sat there stunned! His anger at me was right there, in my face…his deep, smouldering resentment on full display.
I was quiet the rest of the way home, maybe 2 mins…When we pulled up in the driveway, he went into the house for the checkbook…and I climbed over into the drivers seat…and I left!!
No way was I going ANYWHERE with a man who A. Never meant a word he said at dinner the night before..which admittedly wasn’t much And B. Has so much anger simmering beneath the surface..anger towards me!
Yes PA Man, when you growled like that, you slipped up…your cool facade was gone and I saw the TRUE person that was lurking beneath…and I didn’t like it!
Anyway, there’s more to the story, like him calling me, DEMANDING I come home RIGHT NOW! He was really pissed! I told him that I wasn’t coming home with him having THAT kind of attitude…and that I would run the errands myself, in fact I preferred being by myself!
Wow…the “connection” and “understanding” I felt we had from the night before was blown away like the lies it was based on!!
So that’s where I am today…it was a rough weekend, what happened on Saturday was never discussed, nothing new there, that’s the way it always is.
I did say to him Sunday evening, again in the car, as we were heading out to a long standing dinner with friends, “PA Man, we never talked about what happened yesterday, we never do, but I want you to know you’re like a cancer, eating away at our marriage until it’s going to die a slow death.”
PA Mans response, “I understand.”
Hmmm, No, I really don’t think you do PA Man…but one day, you will.