Well, this is sobering…

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2282291/Its-The-problems-NO-marriage-survive-having-affair-ISNT-them.html

PA Man and I have three…THREE of these problems!! The only one that doesn’t pertain to us…addiction!

This is an eye opener.

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9 thoughts on “Well, this is sobering…

    • paescapee, you make a very important point about addiction. I believe that PA is rooted in addictive behaviors. And let’s not forget to include ourselves and the addiction to abuse that biologically occurs in our brains each time we are traumatized by something they said or did to us. That woman in the UK that I posted about on PJ’s blog does a very good job of explaining with illustrations how those peptides bond to the receptors in our brain. I believe this is very important for us to understand- not just about ourselves but about our abusers as well.

      I’ve done a lot of research on the neurological and biological reasons behind abuse and their enablers. While Norman doesn’t appear to be an addict he is. He has a high need for dopamine and he gets it through all sorts of means..work,.sugary foods, exercise, tobacco products, high energy drinks, sinus medications and other things. He lacks self control and one of the reasons I won’t go anywhere with him when alcohol is being served. Everyone in Norman’s family has some sort of addiction whether it’s alcohol or food. The potential for addiction can be inherited /genetic.
      My own addiction as an enabler has a lot to do with my trauma in childhood during my formative years. I’m convinced that my brain was wired to function best under stress.

      • It’s so interesting Isn’t it? I’m gradually getting into the habit of avoiding the adrenaline and drama. Meditation helps a lot- and swimming, like PJ. Xx

  1. Put me down for all of them…chronic complaining, mild narcissism, addiction, and for me the biggest one is ceasing to be partners. It’s interesting that she says there is usually no turning back once detatchment has happened.

    • Yes, I can see this. I have detached, and I don’t think there could be any turning back. Even if he actually reformed or changed, I think the best we could hope for now would be pleasant co-parenting, (but at this point that is still hypothetical).

  2. Yes I have detached…and I just don’t care anymore. I read Leslie Vernicks blog all the time, and I’ve yet to see ONE husband make a turn around and change into the Godly man these women are praying for!
    It’s hopeless…. passive aggression is a mental disorder and these men will take there last breaths on this earth as a passive aggressive!!

  3. Eventually you have to detach emotionally to save yourself.

    I did this several years ago, intentionally, deliberately, to save myself.

    Al-Anon has a great pamphlet on detachment. I highly recommend it.

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