Let It Go….

I haven’t written a blog post for over a week now…I think I’ve been a bit depressed. I can’t seem to find my usual happiness and joy in life.
Life with PA Man has gotten more tense…I knew this would happen, once I stopped living a Peacefaker life and put up some boundaries.
PA Man is very resentful, and we are both snipping at each other daily and barely talking…any connection we had is totally gone!

Tonight I’d had enough, and I mentioned separation once again….I told him I think it’s for the best.
#2 son asked me last Friday what was going on. He said that he’s noticed that PA Man and I don’t talk to each other, even at dinner, and that there’s tension in the house.

So I told him the truth, that I’ve put up certain boundaries, and his dad doesn’t like it. I don’t think he’s not going to be surprised when we separate.

Anyway, when I mentioned separation, PA Man didn’t say anything…other than tell me he will go to counseling…LOL, now where have I heard that before??
I really don’t think he cares or he doesn’t take me serious…but I am serious!
I just don’t care anymore..

Son #4 has really been doing A LOT of his OCD behavior the last several days…he had calmed down for a bit, but now it’s ramped up again!! ~Sigh~ I KNOW it’s because of the tension in our home…I know he senses it.

PA Man told me that I said I would find him a counselor…and I said “Yes, I did say that, but I’ve seen you on the computer looking for new cars, I’ve seen you on the computer reading the news…and yet, you can’t research and find a therapist…so maybe you should just take the time and find one for yourself!”
So he said he would.

LOL…You can stop laughing!! You know and I know he WON’T…but lets let him live in his fantasy world, ok??
So anyway…a little mild depression as I see my marriage crumbling right before my eyes…as I see my youngest son ramp up his anxiety and OCD behavior…but what can I do?
I’ve given it my best shot…but when you’re dealing with a mental disorder like Passive Aggression…there is no hope. No hope for change.
I bawled like a baby yesterday…I’ve wasted almost 4 yrs since DDay (discovery day of the affair) trying to rebuild my marriage…and it was all for nothing.
In 20 yrs I’ll be 73…My gosh!! So old…my life almost over. And I have nothing to show for it other than my boys….and just how screwed up will they be as they mature and get married?

I really can’t wait for my sister to get here…she will be such an encouragement to me, she’ll help me move on, with strength and hope.

I wonder if this has been Gods plan all along? PA Man was offered a fabulous job over a year ago….the company contacted him and practically BEGGED him to come work for them and it doubled his income…which does make it financially possible to separate…and now my sister, my encourager, is moving here…Maybe God is telling me to stop trying to save something that isn’t worth holding on to…maybe God is saying…Let It Go.

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7 thoughts on “Let It Go….

    • I second PJ – my biggest mistake was talking about separation with him. For some insane reason I thought it would push him to treat me better. It allowed him time to get his ducks in a row and he also treated me so much worse until, due to his heinous behaviour towards me, I had no choice but to ask him to leave. While I was reading everything about ‘saving a marriage’ he was reading everything about divorce and telling people he was a single Dad for about a year before I was forced to make him leave. Never underestimate these men – they care about one thing and one thing only, THEMSELVES, and they are perpetual victims. Sooner or later you saying the word ‘separation’ to him, will be seen as the most hurtful, heinous crime you could have committed and he will tell you how much it hurt him that he had to………….(fill in the blank with some bullsh** action). You saying separation will never make him see your pain or realise that HE is responsible for the way the marriage has been forced into wrack and ruin by HIM. That will never happen. Talk to your sister about separation and make your plans that you were going to do anyway. I’m glad you will have somebody in your corner.

  1. Have you heard the one about the lady stuck on the roof of her house during a flood? A rescue worker came by and tried to get her to come into the boat and she said “that’s okay, God will provide.” A second rescue worker came in a boat and tried to get her into the boat and she once again said “that’s okay, God will provide.” A helicopter came next and tried to rescue her, but she said “that’s okay, God will provide.” She died in the flood. When she got to heaven she asked God why he didn’t rescue her and God replied “I sent two boats and a helicopter.”

    Sometimes God’s word is right in front of us and it seems too simple to be from God.

    • Gaining, what a wonderful story…..so true. I’ve had many opportunities in the past to leave and I ignored them because I didn’t trust in them. Sadly, I felt safer living in what I knew and couldn’t trust in the unknown. I can only have faith that one day all my struggles and efforts to persevere will pay off.

  2. Lonelywife, I’m so sorry that the tension is on the rise and that your children are feeling it. It’s so hard, I know. I’m glad that your sister is coming, too. I don’t have any great words of wisdom today, just to ring in with encouragement and prayer.

  3. Thank you all for you support….it means so much to me to not be alone and having others who understand what it is to live with a Passive Aggressive…I’m taking things slowly…
    Today I canceled a planned vacation for next year, we were taking the whole family on a cruise, but not anymore!
    I now realize that PA Man dangles these “goodies” in front of me, to get me off track, to keep me “in line.”
    Well, that’s not happening anymore! I’m wising up to him!

    • Lonely,
      It’s normal that when we set boundaries, emotions flare because we become even more protective. I’m sorry that you’re going through all this but I’m very proud of you for making the effort to work toward a new life. I have to agree with PJ’s and Bronze that it’s best not to threaten separation or divorce with a PA person. It’s best to just file the papers and have them delivered when you’re ready. I knew that, my lawyer advised me and unfortunately because of my business and personal financial circumstances wasn’t able to follow my attorney’s advice. Norman is now sabotaging our finances. Surprisingly, I’m just rolling with the punches and maintaining my own boundaries and I don’t clean up his messes anymore. I think I’m in auto-pilot now and just so focused on getting out that his attempts to weaken me just don’t have any effect. I’m living in a house at the moment that is bare and full of boxes and that is depressing enough. I hate living this way but I keep reminding myself that no matter how long this takes, it’s worth it. Keep moving toward freedom, one step at a time and know that you’re not alone.

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