My marriage is over…

So PA Man has been gone this week on his business trip…and it’s been a rocky week.
His PA was in full emotional abuse mode…and I’m tired of it!
I’m making plans with my sister….ok, I’d better back up here a bit.

My oldest sister is moving to my town. She found out 2 weeks ago that she’s being laid off the first of October…and her daughter, my niece, has been wanting to move here for over a year, so they’ve talked about it and have decided to take the plunge!
As you can probably imagine I’m sooo excited! LM has been divorced for 4 yrs now..she was married to a VERY selfish man, so she really does understand my life with PA Man!!
Anyway, she’s been such a help and encouragement to me, since I let her in on my “real” marriage!
After this last week with PA Man…it’s so obvious that he wants his cake and eat it too..He wants his comfy life, his family, his “good” reputation, his “Godly” reputation…GAG…but he wants to do NOTHING to do with me and my emotional safety and security, and his excuses for his emotionally abusive behavior has just gotten to the point that I have decided that I don’t want to live this way anymore!!
So I’ve made a plan with my sister…a 3 yr plan!
Yes, I KNOW!! THREE years….but hey, I’ve lived in a hellish relationship since I found out about his affair 3 1/2 yrs ago…so I KNOW I can do it!!

But I want to plan carefully…I want to be set up financially so that I know I won’t be struggling too badly..also, my youngest son will be close to 18 yrs old…almost a man!
I’m tucking money away right now, and when LM gets here, I’m opening a bank acct. with her name on it…trying to do this the smart way, NOT the emotional way.

I feel better already…calmer, knowing I have a plan….
PA Man wants to trade in my car for a brand new one….I’ve been resistant to that, but you know what…I think I will! And with double payments….we could have it paid off within that 3 yrs…so I leave the marriage with a newer vehicle!! 🙂
Also, I told PA Man last week that I don’t want to sell our house…instead we are going to make a few improvements that will increase the value…again, looking down the road, since we got a REALLY great deal on this house when we had it built 8 yrs ago, and I know when we sell it, we should get a pretty good return!

I’ve read and reread Leslie Vernicks book, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage, and she talks about getting things lined up before you leave…so that’s what I’m going to do!
I am now looking out for ME!!!
And I feel calmer and happy with the plans that I’m making…it’s taken some time to come to terms with my life and my marriage…but this is NOT a marriage and I want AND deserve happiness!
As a friend reminded me in an email this week, I am “sexy as hell, kind, loving, feisty, a fantastic cook and mother, and so much fun.” (Thx Paula, that really made my day! 🙂
And you know what..I AM all of those things! But I just forgot…

PA Man was cruel this week…he doesn’t care about me and it was so obvious to me….I’ve been in tears for days…and I think it’s because it has finally hit me…my marriage isn’t really a marriage.

So. It’s time to make plans for my escape…and hopefully find TRUE happiness down the road!

As silly as it might sound…I want to go out west…I want to work on a ranch as a cook…cause, baby, I CAN cook!! 😀 It’s always been a dream of mine…and life is about living your dreams, right??

So today begins a new chapter in my life, and I really feel at peace…I’ve prayed and prayed and I feel that God is telling me to let my marriage go.
So I am.

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15 thoughts on “My marriage is over…

  1. People get divorced every day, my friends, my sisters, people I know…doesn’t mean it’s easy, but it’s telling when you say you’ve been crying all week, and feel so good about making plans to leave. You can do it, too! I wish you well! And I hope it doesn’t take an entire three years…stand your ground, lady. You need to be the person you were created to be.

    • Thank you Marsocmom! I have to do this for my own peace of mind…I just can’t imagine living like this for the next 20-30 yrs! My gosh! Writing that make me sad! I’ll be 83 in 30 yrs…I’ve wasted so much time trying to “change” PA Man….and I now understand….he’s NEVER going to change….and I can’t stay in a marriage with him any longer.
      I deserve better.

  2. I, too, am making my own plans, although I am staying in the marriage for the moment.

    My husband never, ever wanted to discuss any future plans. Retirement/old age is the next thing on our dance card, and I could write a book of my frustration over that. The empty nest is another – but that will probably be more of an issue for me than it is for him. I have my own plans, and it makes me feel better.

    • Yes Jane…I understand….I’m staying also…for the moment. Plan carefully, cautiously…but keep planning!
      I find it feels me with peace, to know I have now made a decision. 🙂

  3. Praying for wisdom and discernment as you move forward… I do not believe God would want you to be miserable. Just stay in His light so that you will see the path before you. Let me know if I can be of help.

    • Thank you DJ…I’ve had a hard time understanding that…I thought God wanted me to try to “win” my husband over…but that’s NOT my job!! Reading Leslie Vernicks book and blog has really helped me and encouraged me!

  4. You’ve made a good decision!

    I love, love, love your “cook on a ranch” idea… Believe it or not, I had the very same dream about a year and a half ago! There is a ranch in TN that was looking for a cook at that time. It sounded blissfully dreamy to me!

    I think the search term I used was literally “ranch jobs” and it led me to a website that was full of them! Room, board and pay…

    Sigh… I stayed then because I got a few crumbs that, of course, ended up being meaningless.

    I’m on my way out again. The only way for me to get away from him is to run away, so that’s what I’m doing.

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