As I go around different blogs, reading other women’s stories of living with their PA spouse, I find that I AM grateful that PA Man is who he is….kind of.
There are some real losers out there! Abusive, cold, penny pinching losers!
I really don’t have it THAT bad! Yes, PA Man can be mean at times….he can be snarky and sarcastic…but it’s not ALL the time, and I’m grateful for that!
I’m looking at PA Man and I see a little boy….an immature, little boy who I really think doesn’t like who he is, but doesn’t have any idea how to change it…..and is too scared to even try!!
Its like this….As a child, how many of us were scared that there might be a boogie man under our bed?
You really do know that there’s not a boogie man under the bed…but first you have to get out of the bed so you can look under there and prove it….but you can’t make yourself do that…because then you’re vulnerable because maybe there really IS a boogie man under there!
That’s PA Man….he’s always been this way, it’s who he is. Change is hard, we all know that. But for a PA, it’s not easy or acceptable….because their brain tells them that it’s not THEM, it’s their spouse, their boss, etc…
I’m finding that the more I learn about PAs…the more I feel sorry for them. What a horrible way to live.
I’m still not sure if I’ll stay with PA Man in the future…I really do think that once I stop asking him for anything emotional, and not depending on him to be open with me….I think I can be somewhat happy. I will have my kids and grandkids to focus on : )
I mean, I did it for 25 yrs….before the EA….we lived a somewhat normal life, was I emotionally lonely, yes, but I survived.
I was busy with my family, with homeschooling, with life in general. If I did it then, I can do it again.
As my boys have gotten older I’ve become involved in other things that make me happy. One of those is feeding the poor.
Every month I get a team together from my church and we go and feed the poor who live in local low budget hotels. It’s very fulfilling…and get this, PA Man is right there, helping. And he seems to enjoy it….but PAs like that. Don’t they?
Being seen as the “good guy.” But hey, at least he’s not grumbling about it…well, ok, sometimes he does, but I ignore him! LOL!
Some might say that’s not living a happy life…but I think it’s all in how you look at it.
I’m nearing middle age. I haven’t worked in over 28 yrs, I have a beautiful home, and if things work out right, PA Man is talking about buying a condo on the beach in a few years.
Am I being materialistic….yep! But I’m also realistic that I could have it worse…much, much worse!
And I really do not want to enter the dating game….my sister is there at 57 and it’s not pretty!!
And other than an occasional blow up, like when he called my son a name…I’m learning to let most of it go…and since PA Man only gets mean and snarky when I push him for more of an emotional connection, I try not to do that.
We actually had a good talk last night, he opened up a little….When I talk to him very softly and keep it to a few minutes, he responds better. Just like a small child.
What’s that they say about about a child’s attention span being equivalent with their age? PA Mans is about 8-9 mins…soooooo…..
Anyway, in comparison with what others are going through, my life isn’t that bad.
I have a friend who’s PA husband is really, REALLY cruel to her…and that’s what got me thinking that I don’t have it quite so bad….and I’m going to be thankful for that.
Very, very thankful!