As we all know it’s not easy living with a Passive Aggressive man. In fact, it’s often quite frustrating, leaving us angry, resentful, depressed and in my case, feeling very lonely!
As the days, weeks and months have passed by, I have found that my attitude is really affecting me in all areas of my life, things I once took pleasure in, I now struggle to care about at all!
Example…I LOVE to read….but I have several books that I’m right in the middle of, having never finished them! That is so not me!
I’m the girl who would hide under the bedcovers with a flashlight, trying to finish the last few chapters of a book I just couldn’t put down!
Another example…Cooking! I LOVE to cook and finding fun, new recipes for my family has always been something I’ve enjoyed…but lately I’m just so Blah about it all!
In fact, my family rarely sits around the table having dinner anymore…everyone fixes a plate and disappears!! And I hate it! But I just didn’t have the “mental strength” to even care anymore!
But this has to change! This is MY home and MY family, and I’ll be darned if I’m going to let passive aggressive ugliness steal anything more from me and my family!!
So about two weeks ago, I made the mental decision to choose to be HAPPY and JOYFUL in spite of PA Mans attitude and lack of concern for our family!
I’m in charge of MY happiness, no one else is!
It’s MY decision if I want to be depressed and unhappy, it’s MY decision if I’m going to allow passive aggressive behavior to bring me and my children down!!
It’s MY decision if I want my house to be a house of chaos or a house of peace…and I chose Peace!
Now don’t get me wrong, I still have moments where I could just SCREAM with frustration when PA Man does his stupid crap….but I’m getting pretty good at just saying to him, “You’re acting PA and you need to stop, it’s really very childish!” And then I walk away! Yay me!! 🙂
Point in fact…last night. I was sitting on our bed, PA Man was next to me, watching TV and I got up to go into the bathroom to take off my makeup….and I closed the door, because I decided to call my sister and check on her, since she hasn’t been feeling well…
So we are chatting for a few minutes, and I open the door…and PA Man is standing there, eavesdropping!!! What the $@&#!!
I look at him and say,”What are you doing…are you eavesdropping on me??” And I actually see GUILT on his face! OMG! GUILT??? He really DOES have a conscience?? LOL!!!
So anyway, he steps away from the door and says, “Well, I was wondering who you were talking to…”
And I look at him and say, “Did it EVER occur to you to open the door and ask??”
I then say, “You know what, that is soooo disrespectful and I can’t believe you’d stoop so low to EAVESDROP on me!!”
PA Man then gets defensive and says, “Well, I’m tired of you always talking about me behind my back!”
My very calm response,”When have I done that, PA Man?”
PA Man, “Well, not lately, but in the past you have!!” (Side note…yes, in the past I have, when his emotional affair came out of the slimy, black hole he and the Cow were hiding it in! I did talk about the affair to my sister!! Typical PA…expected me to suck it up all alone I guess!!)
My response, “Yes. In the past I have because YOU gave me a reason to, remember? But WHY are we talking about what I did in the past? You have stated several times that you are TIRED of dredging up the past and have accused me of never letting it go and you aren’t going to listen to it anymore! So does that mean YOU can talk about the past, but I can’t??”
PA Man, VERY snarky now, says “No, we aren’t going to talk about the past!!”
And he then goes to bed! LOL!
Round one of staying calm and standing firm goes to ME!!!!
But you know the amazing thing is….I was able to go to bed and SLEEP last night! And I even slept in MY own bed!
In the past, I would have been so mad and upset, I wouldn’t be able to sleep, and secondly, I would have stayed downstairs on the couch, not being able to be in the same room with him!
I didn’t let him rob me of my joy and happiness…I’m now at the point where I can truly see that PA Man has the problem! I can’t fix him…he had to decide that HE wants and do something about it!!
Anyway, I’ll leave you with this…a friend recently shared this and it really resonated with me…
“Don’t look at God through your circumstances, Look at your circumstances through a loving God.”
I have chosen to look at God first, my marriage second….and to be joyful in spite of PA Man and his passive aggressive behavior!