Here’s the definition of a “cake eater.”
” Cake eaters act vague. They need time, they appeal to you for patience. They feel very, very sorry for themselves. They’ll assert that they’re trying very hard to appease you (they’re not, but they may throw you a bone like marriage counseling, or sex, or paying attention to their children), but you’re soooo unreasonable with your demands. Cake eaters are defensive when you question their commitment or the sincerity of their remorse. They really just want you to leave them alone and let them get back to the business of eating cake.”
I actually got this from the Chump Lady blog, and it’s pertains to cheaters….but I also thought it describes PAs very well….
And so I can say, Yep, PA Man wants his cake for sure! He wants me to overlook his emotional affair, he wants me to overlook the various text messages from other women and other weird things that have happened since Dday, he wants me to overlook his PA behavior….and when I don’t do that, he goes silent on me for hours…then acts like nothing happened, and then when I don’t go along with that “plan” he gets very defensive and accuses me of trying to start trouble, and then comes “I can’t do ANYTHING right, NOTHING I do makes you happy…so why do I even try!!”
UGH! I’m sooo over it!
Today PA Man said he doesn’t like living this way….this way meaning no sex or affection…yada, yada, yada, I’ve heard that one before….oh wait, I’ve heard that several times now over the last few years, and I believed him….then! HA! Not anymore!
As I told him, “IF you don’t like living this way, then why haven’t I seen you change how you treat me, why haven’t you stayed in counseling, why haven’t you read ANY books or articles on PA behavior, etc…” To which he replied, “I have changed, I listen to you now!”
Oh, ok. And not 5 mins later, he throws his head back in frustration and heaves a HUGE sigh, gets out of the car, and walks into the store, leaving me in his dust, because I didn’t agree with him on “The Big Change”….Hmmmm…Ok, yes, I see the change…right. Got it!!