Empathy for others, yes….me…not so much!

UGHHHH!!! I’m sooo frustrated right now! Imagine dealing with an argumentative teenager for the rest of your life!

That’s what its like when you’re dealing with a PA husband!

Yesterday, as church was ending, my daughter in law didn’t feel well, so my son went to get their car, which was parked in the far parking lot…PA Man stayed with our DIL, I left to go get her a bottle of water, and a cool cloth for her head.

So PA Man is sitting with our DIL, and her friend, her young, pretty friend….I like W, she’s a sweet girl, and she has no family here in our town…we’ve invited her to go out to eat with us after church several times…in fact, we had just gone out to dinner on Friday night after a special Good Friday service at church and she went with us!

BUT without asking me, PA Man invited W over for lunch!! He said he felt bad for her, being all alone on Easter!

And yes, I felt bad for her also, but my house was NOT ready for guests…my mother was here for the weekend, and we’d been shopping all day Saturday, then cooking Easter dinner Saturday evening….so no real house cleaning had gotten done.

Well thank goodness W already had plans, otherwise it would have been a mad race to get home and vacuum the downstairs area, throw dishes in the dishwasher, and make sure the downstairs bathroom was not a mess…

So as we are leaving church, I ask PA Man why he invited W without checking with me first and that’s when he said he felt sorry for her, and didn’t want her to spend Easter alone.

So. He has empathy for this young college student. And I’m glad, I really am. At least he showed some empathy for someone….I just wish it had been me.

I don’t get empathy…I get anger…rolling of the eyes….deep sighs.

Yea…empathy would be nice!

It would be great if he could understand how I feel when he shows empathy to another woman….liked he showed to the Cow…oh yea…he felt bad for her and her “terrible marriage”…right! Even gave her marriage advice, wasn’t that sweet of him??

I dunno…he’s PA…and he made several comments about the house not being clean last week…so maybe that was his way of sticking it to me???

Try to embarrass me maybe? I dunno! And that’s what sucks about being married to a PA Man….you are always second guessing yourself…always. :/

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Empathy for others, yes….me…not so much!

  1. My husband is the same.

    But consider this: he has no real responsibility towards the other person (either W. in this case, or the OW also). He can give the appearance of being a great guy WITHOUT having to put his money where his mouth is. He does have a real responsibility towards you. I think that is the difference for these guys.

    With W, he could look great to invite her – while you were actually doing the work of hospitality.

    With the OW – she lives far away. He can turn off his phone if she “needs” him. (I don’t say this to make light of the EA.) Likely if the OW had pushed him in any way, like pushing him to decide between her or you, she would have been history. . . in passive-aggressive way, of course.

    My husband has issues with the house too. But it’s really not about the house. My counselor feels that it’s about the energy I expend rearing our daughter, energy that my husband feels should be solely directed toward him.

    • Jane, I have noticed myself that I don’t keep the house as clean or organized like I did before the EA….and I recently read somewhere, wish if could remember where, but the article was about living with PAs and how the stress of that just sucks so much out of you, that you take less interests in your appearance, your children, friends, housework. Etc…And I have found that to be very true!
      I look around me, at the floors that need to be vacuumed, dishes that need to go in the dishwasher, and I don’t care.
      It’s really weird because I love it when my house is clean….I wonder if it’s my own PA way of sticking it to my husband…since he complained to the OW about the house NOT being clean, when in actuallity, it was!! And he also told her he did most of the housework, LOL!
      So yea, maybe that’s it!! LOL! 😉

      • For us, this clean house issue goes back to right after our daughter’s birth. In those early years, when I could see there was a problem, I asked him numerous times what was important to him regarding the house. His response? “I don’t know.” Yet, he was always angrily rearranging something or picking something off the floor. I really did work harder in earlier years. But yes, the stress really has sucked the energy out of me! And, I kind of don’t care anymore. I might eventually get back to caring – but not today.

        As far as what they tell other people – it has limited basis in reality & is about them looking good. When I catch him I don’t tend to contradict him. It would just make ME look bad. Some of our friends have figured him out though.

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