Not Important Enough

It’s been one of those days around the ‘ol passive aggressive hacienda…

I made the mistake of trying to talk to PA Man about the triggers I’ve been having….

Triggers, for those of you who don’t know, are what happens when your spouse has been unfaithful. They are the devil to deal with! Straight from the pit of hell!

When I have a triggers it makes my stomach clinch in nervous spasms and I want to sit down and cry my eyes out like a 2 yr old!!! Oh the joys of infidelity!!

So today was a trigger day because I looked at our checking account and I saw where my husband had spent some money at Cracker Barrel while he was on a business trip….I knew he’d spent the money, since he brought home a small gift for me…and yes, wasn’t that nice of him to think of me like that….and I’m sure I’ll hear about it for the next few weeks….except the money he spent was more than the gift should have cost….and of course, when questioned, he was VERY surprised and said “No, I didn’t spend that much!”  (Of course not Darling, the bank AND Cracker Barrel both made a mistake!! :o)

Well, according to our bank statement….he did! And of course, Mr. Always Puts The Receipt in His Wallet When Shopping….didn’t have the receipt so that sent me into trigger land!!

And then it starts…”Why don’t you ever believe me? I told you I’d never cheat again” and then, “I’ll dig through the trash and find that receipt, it must be in the bag from Cracker Barrel” BTW, I’m still waiting for him to do that! HA!

Anyway, this led to me telling him that IF I had been important enough, IF he truly loved me like he says he does, he WOULD have done the work to heal our marriage!!

IF I were important enough, he would go back to counseling ( he’s quit three times) and learn how to better manage his PA behavior and figure out why he cheated on me!

IF I were truly important enough, he would put aside his own fears and insecurities and help me deal with MY fears and insecurities….that he helped create!

IF he was as thankful to have me in his life as he says he is…he’d show it…instead of retreating upstairs…with a headache! I swear he has more headaches than a middle aged wife dodging sex!!





10 thoughts on “Not Important Enough

  1. Sadly I’ve gone through so many of these situations with my soon-to-be-ex. And even more sadly, things never got better in my marriage. I’m sorry to hear you’re going through all that with him. I pray that God will help you to heal from all the heartache.

    • Thank you Mel220….I clearly need Gods strength to deal with this loneliness….I CRAVE adult conversation with PA Man….to know I can go to him and TALK about what’s bothering me…to know he’ll be there for me, to know he’ll wrap his arms around me and let me cry when I’m worried or scared about something….instead, I have to always be strong…and it wears me out.

  2. You are important “enough” (not good enough, not good enough…….the rhythmic sound of the soundtrack to my thoughts, lol!) And I know you know that. Always remind yourself that this has nothing to do with your “stuff,” and is totally run by his. I know you know it.

    This “I swear he has more headaches than a middle aged wife dodging sex!” Snort!!!

  3. Remember that this is the result of passive aggressive behavior – it makes the receiver feel rejected. I fight those same feelings regularly. We must remember also that they are not defining us as we really are. A passive aggressive loses credibility in determining whether anyone is good enough for anything. Their actions and statements are a mirror of their own self-doubt and self-recrimination. They feel these things about themselves.

    You, Terez, are one of the outstanding women I’ve leaned on, one of the few who helped me through my hell. You are something special. Truly.

    • Thank you DJ…and yes, I agree, PA behavior is not directed towards me….it’s a “sympton” of a deeper problem within themselves. If only a PA could see that…but there’s the rub…They can’t see or accept it, so the circle of emotional abuse continues…

  4. Wow… I’ve been wondering lately if my PA is being faithful… he’s been exhibiting stranger than usual behaviours (PA Men have so many to begin with) and this seems a little different than the usual gammut of stuff. How do you know when they are being unfaithful… ?? anyone??

  5. Chosetobehappy…well, in my situation…PA Man was short tempered and argumentative…I remember telling my sister “Man, I don’t know what it is with me and PA Man…all we seem to be doing is arguing about everything and he picks apart everything I say and do! LOL….maybe he’s having an affair or something?”
    HA! Who knew I was right!!???
    His cell phone was always on either silent or vibrate…when questioned, he said he forgot to turn it on after meeting with a customer….he had never done that before, but I believed him…because I trusted him!!
    And he always had his phone with him…and again, I didn’t think twice about it…because I trusted him!
    Lets see….oh, his cell phone battery was always low…or dying….I even commented that he might need to buy a new battery!
    Of course, PA Mans affair was all long distance….thank goodness! The Cow lives several hundred miles away…so it was all phone calls and texting….hours and hours of phone calls and texting.
    He was infatuated with her, doncha know?? Bleh!!!

    Anyway, be alert, listen to your gut…and do a little snooping! I’d start with his cell phone records…and then I wouldn’t be above following him when he leaves the house, or sit outside his work, and see where he goes or who he’s talking to when he leaves…
    Some people might think that’s underhand and sneaky…but I’ll remind them, cheating is sneaky, underhanded, disrespectful, and low down nasty!!
    If you’re unhappy as a spouse, talk about it and go to counseling or get out!! Don’t disrespect your spouse by bringing in a third person!!

    • Thanks lonelywife07 – I’ve been wondering, he used to leave his phone everywhere until one day I had to call someone, I thought I knew his password but I didn’t so he punched it in and I found he had texted someone I didn’t know but I had heard about through him. He seemed a bit uneasy when i had the phone in my hands, I didn’t have a chance to check the message, he took the phone back. it went into lock mode almost immediately. He’s been sticking to his phone whereas before he would leave it anywhere. There are other small signs too but I’m not sure…. We have been to counseling (many many times), the pa stuff still happens though more subtle but still present and annoying.

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