It’s been one of those days around the ‘ol passive aggressive hacienda…
I made the mistake of trying to talk to PA Man about the triggers I’ve been having….
Triggers, for those of you who don’t know, are what happens when your spouse has been unfaithful. They are the devil to deal with! Straight from the pit of hell!
When I have a triggers it makes my stomach clinch in nervous spasms and I want to sit down and cry my eyes out like a 2 yr old!!! Oh the joys of infidelity!!
So today was a trigger day because I looked at our checking account and I saw where my husband had spent some money at Cracker Barrel while he was on a business trip….I knew he’d spent the money, since he brought home a small gift for me…and yes, wasn’t that nice of him to think of me like that….and I’m sure I’ll hear about it for the next few weeks….except the money he spent was more than the gift should have cost….and of course, when questioned, he was VERY surprised and said “No, I didn’t spend that much!” (Of course not Darling, the bank AND Cracker Barrel both made a mistake!! :o)
Well, according to our bank statement….he did! And of course, Mr. Always Puts The Receipt in His Wallet When Shopping….didn’t have the receipt so that sent me into trigger land!!
And then it starts…”Why don’t you ever believe me? I told you I’d never cheat again” and then, “I’ll dig through the trash and find that receipt, it must be in the bag from Cracker Barrel” BTW, I’m still waiting for him to do that! HA!
Anyway, this led to me telling him that IF I had been important enough, IF he truly loved me like he says he does, he WOULD have done the work to heal our marriage!!
IF I were important enough, he would go back to counseling ( he’s quit three times) and learn how to better manage his PA behavior and figure out why he cheated on me!
IF I were truly important enough, he would put aside his own fears and insecurities and help me deal with MY fears and insecurities….that he helped create!
IF he was as thankful to have me in his life as he says he is…he’d show it…instead of retreating upstairs…with a headache! I swear he has more headaches than a middle aged wife dodging sex!!
Bottom line…I AM JUST NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH!!!