You would think, after being married for 25 yrs, that I would have known that my H (husband) is Passive Aggressive!
But that wasn’t the case! I only discovered the reality of the life I had been living after my H decided to have an Emotional Affair (EA) with a cow…Ok, sorry, I know I just offended cows across the land! My bad!
The OW (other woman) isn’t really a cow…that’s just my name for her, as her backside does slightly resemble one! 😉
Anyway, this blog isn’t really about her, it’s about my husband, lets call him PA Man…Anyway, after I discovered the EA, PA Man wouldn’t really answer my questions, he lied repeatedly to “protect me” and that hurt almost as much as the affair….I wanted answers to why, after 25 yrs of marriage, he would jeopardize all that we had built together!
So fast forward to Jan. 2013 and a dear friend who I met online, her H had also had an EA, asked me a question that changed my life!
N asked me, after I was telling her about PA MAN and his refusal to answer my questions, his refusing to go to couples counseling, promising he’d read articles and books on affair recovery and then making excuses about why he couldn’t/wouldn’t….his eyes hurt, he was tired, he’s heard it all from me anyway, etc….if you’re here, reading this…you KNOW what I’m talking about!!
So N asks, “Is your H Passive Aggressive??” I was silent for a moment, then said “I don’t know…what’s Passive Aggressive?”
Her answer rocked my world and that’s when I learned exactly why my marriage wasn’t what I wanted it to be….why my H had the affair and refused to help me heal from it…He IS Passive Aggressive!!
I went online and read and read and read…as tears poured down my face!! FINALLY I had an answer! And it scared me!! I couldn’t find anything positive about having a successful marriage with a passive aggressive!!
What I did find was that it wasn’t MY fault that for over 25 years I felt like I didn’t matter to my H….all those years of feeling that it was my fault because I wasn’t happy…all those years of wondering why I felt lonely, even though I was married…all those many, many times of feeling abandoned, knowing I couldn’t depend on him to be there for me!
MY HUSBAND IS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!!
But how could he be?? He’s soooo charming! Everyone likes him!! My friends all envy me because we have such a great marriage!! He SPOILS me! (That’s one of his fave things he says to me!! )
And then there’s this one….He’s a Christian and a Deacon in our church!! ~Gasp~
But there it was, in black and white…I am the wife of a Passive Aggressive man.
As I write this blog, it’s for me. I need an outlet. No one is reading what I write…for now. I’m hoping in the future that others will discover my blog, others like me who are searching, hoping to find someone that truly understands how hard it is, how horribly frustrating it is to live with a PA spouse….So when you find this….Welcome….I hope you now know you’re not alone. 🙂