Almost Divorced…But The Abuse Continues.

I’m sitting in a hospital room with my youngest son…we’ve been here since Monday. M complained to me over the weekend that he couldn’t see out of his right eye very well…so off to the eye Dr on Monday, where I found out that he’d had a stroke in his eye, thus killing off the blood vessel. The partial blindness is permanent.

The eye Dr referred us to a retina specialist and he’s the one who sent us to the hospital…and despite several tests, MRI’s, CT scans, Spinal Tap, we really don’t have an answer as to why his eye had the stroke and for the lesions on his brain. So we wait.

M didn’t want me to tell his dad, he doesn’t want to see him… but I felt he should know, as he is the “father” in name only. So M said I could send him an email. Here is his response….

“You should have called me, I don’t check my emails often. Keep me updated. Thanks.”

So his son is in the hospital, partially blind in his eye, brain lesions…and he wants to be “updated.” Right.

Honestly, why did I expect anything more? This is the same “father” that when his other son had to have an emergency appendectomy…went home to take a “quick shower” before coming to the hospital, instead of coming straight there to be with his son, and to see him before he went in for his surgery. He missed him by the way…by about 30 mins.

So after that email, he sends another one an hour later…I’m sure this was after he’d had a chance to confer with his flying monkeys!

“Let me tell you something Terri, M is my son too just like yours don’t you ever tell me I can’t talk to him or see him.”

I didn’t tell him that. I told him that M didn’t want to see him or talk to him, so PLEASE respect his boundaries. Sheesh!

And now here’s the rest of the story….

He came to the hospital on Wed. even though I’d emailed him and told him that our son didn’t want to see him, and to please respect his wishes….I told him that I’d give him info via email when I knew something.
He responded back with “I wish you would have called me, I don’t check my email that every hour. Keep me updated.” And then an hour later, “Let me explain something to you Terri, M is my son just like yours, don’t ever tell me that I can’t see him don’t ever tell me I can’t call him!”
Well, Hello I only relayed my sons wishes to not see YOU!!

So of course being a Narc, what does he do…he shows up at the hospital the next day, because of course he has the RIGHT to….so when he walked in, my son asked “What are you doing here?” And the ex tells him he loves him and wanted to see him, so M says “You don’t love me, you’re making us sell the house, I have to move, I don’t want to move, you promised me that I wouldn’t have to move!”
He then startes accusing me of lying to my son, etc…I asked him to leave twice and he refused, so I told him I was calling security and I did. He was so angry! He left before they got here, but security took his description and said if he shows up again to call them immediately.
So yesterday the nurse comes to my room and says, “Your ex is on the phone wanting info…what do you want me to do?” I asked her to give him no info at all, and she came back and said he tried threatening her, saying he has a right to know, that he says paying his insurance, that he’s his father, etc.
And then yesterday, he showed up at my house and tried to come in! My mother was there and heard his key in the lock so she held the deadbolt lock so it wouldn’t turn…he got angry, thinking we’d changed the locks, but the lock was my mighty mama’s hands holding on for dear life! LOL!
So he then goes down the driveway and opens my mailbox and takes the mail out!! My son was also home and was watching from the window….he said he was on the phone and gesturing wildly and he could see he was angry! Unbelievable!

His anger is really getting out of control! He left, but my brother called my mother….he’s toxic and I went no contact with him years ago, and he demands that mama open the door for the ex, because he has “every right to come into HIS house and get HIS things, because it’s the perfect time because I’m at the hospital!!” Mama told home No, and my brother started yelling at her! She hung up on him!
When my son called to tell me what happened, I started shaking and called security and they came up and moved us to a new room, as a precaution, so the ex can’t find us if he comes up here again.

M is now on a list that if anyone calls asking what room he is in, they will be told that he’s not a patient here.
This is all so unbelievable! I’m starting to seriously get worried that he might try to harm me!
And now the vile ex has gotten his attorney involved also, so like a snake, she’s risen up her hissing head and is making threats to my attorney, accusing me of not abiding by the mediation agreement that the house be put on the market immediately, accusing me of ย “stalling” by not meeting with the realtor…because of course, I’m lying around, eating bon-bons, relaxing on a beach somewhere, right? ๐Ÿ˜ก

Funny thing is, when I talked to my attorney, the vile ex and his attorney “forgot” to mention to my attorney that my son is in the hospital, with partial vision loss and possibly facing a horrible disease, undergoing MRI’s, CT Scans, lumbar puncture and having 54 vials…so far…of blood withdrawn!

But let us all remember. He LOVES his son!!!

 

 

 

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Almost FREEEE!!

We signed divorce papers yesterday. Now waiting for the judge to sign them. Almost there! I feel like Mel Gibson, wanting to shout “FRREEEEDOMMMM!” ย ๐Ÿ˜„ LOL!

Its been a journey, let me tell you! The ex, I will NEVER call him MY ex, and if I ever slip up, please correct me, immediately! There is NO WAY in Gods green earth will I EVER claim that piece of excrement as mine! Ewwww!

I am soooo happy….if I never see or hear from him again, my life will be flipping PERFECT! My poor sons though…they carry his last name. But I’ve told them all, bring HONOR to that name, something their “father” and grandfather never did.

I have to tell you about mediation yesterday, 6 LONGGGG hours, and in the end, I was ok with the settlement, except one thing….

That low life, scumbag, loser REFUSED to carry his two youngest sons, who live with me, on his medical insurance…so when the divorce is final in a couple of weeks, they will have no medical insurance!! As my many friends have said “He’s an Ass.” ย I go one better, he’s an asshole. A filthy, stinking asshole, with no conscience.

My youngest son just turned 18, and has Aspergers and OCD, he’s currently in therapy. So now I’m going to have to see if he can go on Medicaid so he can continue therapy. And his “dad” doesn’t care.

My 22 yr old refuses to call him Dad. He calls him by his first name. Rob. Yes. That’s PA Mans name. Rob the asshole. Rob the loser. Rob the scumbag. Rob the lowlife.

I’m angry right now, but as the days go by, I know that will pass. It’s like my son told me last week “Rob has his money, YOU have all of us!” And that’s true. I have FOUR amazing sons, and two daughter in laws. And a 10 yr old step grandson. And what does Rob have? Nothing. His sons want nothing to do with him. He will die a lonely old man.

Serves him right.

 

I Feel Free.

Autumn is my favorite time of the year…I love the colors, cooler weather, boots and scarves, pumpkins and the FOOD…I love cooking soups and stews, chili, Apple and Pumpkin desserts…I have some butternut Squash cooking in the oven right now, and will be making a copycat recipe of Panera’s Autumn Squash soup tomorrow! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m on a quest to find the exact recipe because it’s one of my favorite Autumn soups! Wish me luck! ๐Ÿ™‚

So my life has been…ahem…interesting… the last few weeks.

PA Man and I separated briefly…I THOUGHT it was for good, but after 2 weeks he decided he was moving back home! Bummer!

He’s obviously been talking to his family…the same family that has all but abandoned him for the last 30 yrs…OR his latest woman “friend”…whatev. He told me that it’s HIS home too, and he has every right to live here!

He had his birthday while he was living in the hotel…and not one of our sons called and wished him a Happy Birthday….I left it up to them to handle it the way they wanted, and I thought it was VERY telling that they didn’t care enough to call him on his birthday. He is now facing the consenquences of his actions.

I find it really strange that he moved back home because all I’ve heard from him for MONTHS is that he wants to be away from me…that he wants PEACE and to be left alone…so I gave him his freedom…I told him to move out, to go to a hotel until he can find an apt. It lasted all of two weeks.

He says we can’t afford to separate…and while I agree, things WILL be tight, it IS doable…if we are careful. But nope. He moved back home last Friday…and I ended up in the ER! HA!

I had a severe allergic reaction…anaphylaxis…the first time ever! My mom said maybe I’m allergic to PA Man! LOL! My daughter in law said maybe it was stressed induced! All I know is that I was wheezing, and coughing, my throat was sore, and my eyes swelled up so I could hardly see!

Anyway, Pa Man was a TOTAL jerk about it all…he was more worried about how much it was going to cost then about ME. I don’t know WHY I ย was surprised?? UGH!

I KNOW PA Man has no empathy for anyone other than himself….but walking out of the ER and getting in his truck, leaving me to stumble across the parking lot…eyes still swelled halfway shut…really hit me hard!!

This man has NO concern for anyone but himself…and I saw that very clearly last Friday! His callous behavior hurt…BUT it also set me free because any lingering doubts about divorce…flew right out the window! I am now fully detached from him and this marriage! Yay me!

My sons and I talked last weekend and we are going to live OUR lives, enjoying the upcoming holidays, ย in spite of PA Man living here again…thank goodness he’s flying home to visit his family for a week at Thanksgiving…I strongly encouraged that, and even told him to stay an extra day or two! LOL!

I’m feeling very positive right now…I’ve been wondering what detachment feels like…and now I know.

I can live my life, doing what I enjoy, and I don’t care about PA Man and what HE is doing…who he’s texting, calling, etc. I Am Free. And it’s a wonderful feeling.

I hope you all are doing well…and enjoying the Fall season! God bless y’all!

 

 

 

 

 

I’m getting divorced.

Yes, it’s true. My H and I are ending the marriage. Almost 31 years thrown away, because he couldn’t/wouldn’t work with me to fix what’s broken.

He’s now involved with someone else…deleted text messages from numbers that are non-voip numbers…anonymous, non traceable and when you call the number, it’s ย out of service, and OF COURSE he has NO idea how the deleted text messages got on his phone! Go figure!!

There are other things that he’s hiding…charges on his credit card…he denies the charges….OF COURSE!!!! I recently found out about a secret bank account with $1,800.00 in it….he is a liar and a cheat. And I deserve better.

He’s had a chance to fix himself…and he’s obviously content with who he is, so that’s it. I’m done.

My children and I are doing well, considering. I’m so thankful that they are all older, and they see their dad for what he truly is. A liar and a cheat.

So that’s my news…. It’s been a hard 5 1/2 yrs since I found out about the affair, and the emotional abuse has been really hard to deal with.

I’m doing good… I’m involved in a support group that has helped me so much and I have several friends who are so encouraging to me, and are always there when I need them.

Divorce is NOT what I wanted….but living with a passive aggressive, cheating husband is not how I want to spend the rest of my life, and since he refuses to change…..it’s what has to happen.

I hope you’re all doing well….and here’s a small piece of advice…..If you’re married to a PA man….or a cheater….and he’s just stringing you along…get out. Don’t waste anymore of your time on him.

YOU are worth more then that!!!

 

 

My life right now…

A friend mentioned to me recently that she thinks I might be a bit depressed…and I think I agree.
Not a life threatening type of depression…more of a feeling of being stuck, and not being able to see past it.

I went to see an attorney a few months ago, just to see what my options are and she was NO help at all….in fact, I wanted to just get up and walk out because she made me feel very foolish!
It really hit me that people who don’t live in abusive situations just DO NOT get it!
So I think it was after that, that’s when I got a little depressed…instead of being a shining light of escape…the attorney basically told me to suck it up, because if I divorced PA Man, I’d be the financial loser in the divorce!
Honestly though, I already knew this…but to just have it thrown in my face…yeah, that stung just a bit!
When I explained abut PA Mans emotional affair, I could tell she thought I was a fool for staying…or maybe she thought I was making something out of nothing? Who knows! I do know that this attorney handles some really abusive divorces..so maybe she thought mine was “peanuts” compared to others?
PA Man has a really good income and I’ve been a SAHM for over 30 yrs…so for me to go out on my own, yes, I would take a HUGE financial hit, and to be quite honest, that scares the heck outta me!
My sister divorced her husband 5 yrs ago, and she had a really good job…and it’s been a struggle for her ever since, so seeing that firsthand is scary.
So all of this really got me feeling down, feeling like I have NO hope…until yesterday.
My second oldest son and I were talking….he lives at home right now, but he’s hoping to find a few acres this year and build a log cabin on it, and as we were discussing what the attorney had told me, and that I feel stuck, he said, “Mom, I plan to have a home big enough that if you need to move there, with my brothers, you can.”
My heart melted! I AM so blessed that my son cares enough about me, and that he’s thinking ahead! ๐Ÿ™‚
Then he told me that he’s sure he could get me hired on at his company, doing sales, and that his boss, who is a really great guy, and I get along with really well, is always looking for outgoing people to work for him, and that I’d fit in perfectly, with my personality. And you know what….he’s right!
I DO have a VERY outgoing personality…I’m the type of person who can talk to a perfect stranger like I’ve known them for years….it use to amaze my sister how I could do that! LOL!
So heck yeah…I can do that! It made me so excited to know that IF PA Man and I do separate…I have options. I’m not able to work right now….I have younger child who is autistic, and changes in his routine don’t go over well, but as he gets older, as he’s maturing, I’m seeing a bit more independence in him, so that is good ๐Ÿ™‚ In the meantime, I’ve started a at home business to help me save some money for an uncertain future!
For right now…things are OK with PA Man and myself for the most part.
He’s traveling A LOT, and I’m sooo grateful for that, but when he is home, he’s a bit moody…or grumpy as my youngest always says…but I only see him a few hours each day, because he’s working, then home for a nap, then he’s in bed by 9:30…the weekends are the hardest, he’s home ALL day…but I now wait until Saturday to do my shopping, so I’m gone for a few hours, so that helps. ๐Ÿ™‚

Overall, I’m feeling more optimistic right now…I DO have options! ๐Ÿ™‚
I’m still going to try natural alternatives versus depression drugs…anyone reading this have any advice on natural herbs for depression? Just let me know ๐Ÿ™‚

It’s like a slow, dripping poison.

UGH! I’ve been ignoring my blog…and I hate it! The friends I’ve met on here are important to me, and I need to do better to keep in touch, I really do! So I’m really sorry! ๐Ÿ™‚

So just to catch y’all up, last month, PA Man and I took our family on a once in a lifetime family vaca….and while we did have a good time, yeah, there were times that it was so evident how broken we truly are.

I couldn’t wait to get home, and let PA Man get back to work, because spending too much time with him is not good for me…I really start to feel the stress and it affects me and my relationship with my children, and I find myself short tempered a lot!! UGH!

Passive Aggressionย truly is like a slow, dripping poison!

So for now on, when we go in a family vaca, we are going with a group of friends, to help diffuse the tension of vacationing with a PA, because as you know, they can suck the air from the room in no time flat!!

I am soooo blessed with some really great girlfriends who are in difficult marriages also…we get along so well, and to be honest, I’d rather vaca with THEM and leave PA Man at home! LOL

Its Fall now, here where I live, and it’s my favorite season..the leaves are turning into their glorious coats of color, and I even made a praline pumpkin pie this weekend…I’m really trying to be positive and happy, because even though life with a PA is difficult, you can always, ALWAYS find something to be grateful for, and that’s what I’m trying to do!

I had a talk with PA Man today and asked him if we could PLEASE try to get along, for the holidays…no fighting, arguing, etc….for our kids. He agreed, so I hope and pray we can do this, I’m going to really, really try to just overlook his feeling sorry for himself and “Whoa is me” attitude….

I want my kids to remember the traditions of the holidays…and not the fighting and cold, heavy silences.

PA Man will be away for several days at a time this next month, so that will make things A LOT easier!

Well that’s it for me! I hope you all are doing well…please let me hear from you if you’re reading this…just a quick “HI” would be sooo appreciated! ๐Ÿ˜€

My friend, Laurie…

Recently I met a young mom, married, two kids under 3 and she’s in a really, REALLY abusive marriage!

Her H is verbally abusive, and at has been, at times, physically abusive, and we both think he’s possibly a narcissist…and she’s afraid of him, big time!

She recently played a recording she secretly made of her husband when he was screaming at her, screeching, cursing and threatening her…it was awful!! I mean really, really BAD!!! I’ve never heard anything like it!

I asked her turn it off after 2 mins because it was so bad, I couldn’t listen anymore, and Laurie said that’s just one of many…

I’m trying my best to encourage her, and be her friend…her pig of a husband has isolated her from all of her friends….but he’s met his match with me….been there, done that, pig man! You aren’t scaring me away!

He told Laurie several weeks ago that I’m “not nice” to him….so now I’m killing him with kindness!

Yeah, I know how to play his game…I even joke with him, just to throw him off his game, so he doesn’t see me as a threat…and it’s working! LOL! He actually came and sat next to me at a party recently…and then proceeded to threaten anyone who hurts his daughter! This man is a sicko!

He has NO idea that I’m on to him, I act kinda ditzy when I’m around him…LOL! I put on the ol dumb blonde act…no offense to any blondes out there, ๐Ÿ˜‰ but I let him think he’s the “smart guy” in the room!

Really though, if you knew me, you’d see how extremely funny that is, because I’m a very intelligent woman, and I’m NOT a blonde! ๐Ÿ˜€

I’ve studied abusers, I’ve educated myself…and now I’m using that to help Laurie gain strength so she can eventually leave her abuser pig of a husband.

Its going to take time, I know that, Laurie can’t see past the fear right now…but we’ll get there.

I’m going to use my experiences with PA Man to help other woman who are in abusive marriages…maybe this will be my calling in life, maybe I CAN make a difference.

Please pray for Laurie…she really needs it…and me, that I can be a great friend, and also help her to find the freedom she needs and deserves!